50 is the new ranch dressing

I wrote this for my good friend, Bob Addison on his 50th birthday

50 is the new ranch dressing
Is the new beef Toledo
Is the new Communist Manifesto
Is the new U2 album
Is the new Irish hate
Is the new ESL player piano
Is the new muscle flexing ingredient
Being used to invade the Ukraine
50 is the new time travel
Is the new Price is Right
Is the old Michael J. Fox
Is the new sexy anesthetic
Is the new 26 is the new 32 is the
Newly shampooed Elvis
On display in old Las Vegas
Is the new Bingo Heffeweizen
Is the new old notch in your belt
Is the new Vaseline tampon
Is the new Chuck Norris movie
Made with 38% more
Genetically modified Bruce lee
50 is the new government surveillance
The new conservative tendencies
The new tomorrow today
Is we’re giving it all away
50 is the new corrugated waffle
The new diabetic scarecrow
The old Sumerian reach-around
The new questionable eternal
The new cancer causing gluten free referendum
The new in between of never knowing
The new I can’t believe we made it
Now what’s happening I’d better pray
To every flaccid raspberry and
Smack talking ninja turtle on TV because
50 is the new severance package
The new corporate downsize
The old world solar flare
50 is the new tub thumping anarchist
Giving the jazz finger to birth control
50 is the new J. Jonah Jamieson
The new tomorrow today
The new glow in the dark chest module
Pumping the blood of time in to your veins
50 is the new 50 is the new 50 is the new now